Posted by orchid on April 12, 2006, at 14:21:55
In reply to Re: It depends » orchid, posted by wishingstar on April 11, 2006, at 21:11:48
> But I think if I continually tell myself that she isnt going to develop any special attachment or special caring for me, I wont be able to open up and be real with her. I KNOW thats true (intellectually).. but I cant think about it all the time. I guess it's too painful.
>This is the tricky part of therapy. The nature of the beast rather. The therapist of course wants you to share everything, and bring out all your inner emotions, and needs and wants, but, they pretend to not understand the kind of intense attachement to them that will ensue as part of revealing so much.
And many do understand it to some extent, but don't have any idea how to effectively deal with it - some get scared and cut off, some become very closed, and some try to do a mix and match of becoming open sometimes and pulling back sometimes, and very few openly accept and acknowledge it and will do their part in helping out the patients completely. The last model is the best and you are lucky if you have a therapist who understands it and is willing to go that mile with you.
But neverthelss, in all these cases, in spite of the therapists' best intentions, immense hurt happens to the patients - because this whole therapy relationship simply goes against human nature. And any attempt to defy reality simply doesn't work.
This is where it becomes the double edged sword -where it both helps, and hurts. Both at the same time. You will be lucky if you get more of the first and little of the second. But no one can predict the outcome.
I found myself though, with my second T, I completely stopped myself from developing any attachment to her. (that was possible though, because I had been through the whole cycle before with the first one). And it didn't affect the quality of therapy. I was able to completely open up to her, and tell her everything, at the same time knowing full well that she doesn't really bother about me too much, that I am just an hour in her schedule. And she managed to help immensely, and she didn't pretend to care personally about me either. She was very official like, and didn't share anything about her, didn't give me even an inkling of any personal emotion on her side, but it magically worked for me. But if she had been my first therapist, it wouldn't have worked. By the time I came to her, I knew enough about myself, to stop any emotion on my part - because I knew it would only end up hurting me in the end. I wouldn't allow myself even a small amount of attachment to her, never called her in between the sessions, never tried to double up sessions, never tried to over run the sessions, etc etc. I was completely official like myself, and it really helped me save myself from getting hurt.
And this may not work for everyone, but it worked for me. I don't even know if it is advisable to other people, because being so un attached, might affect the therapeutic outcome for most people. I am simply saying it worked for me. And atleast it didn't hurt.
poster:orchid
thread:631620
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/632217.html