Posted by littleone on April 11, 2006, at 21:51:49
In reply to littleone, posted by special_k on April 11, 2006, at 8:06:47
> how are you doing?
> i'm sorry about my thread :-(
> i'm sorry...No, that's okay. You did nothing wrong. I think I felt upset about a couple of things in it and that was the only reason why I piped up in the first place. And then I had to get away from it all. I think a young part finished off my last post which is why it might sound a bit weird. You have nothing to be sorry for.
> are you doing okay?
> you didn't sound so good.
> i'm sorry if i stirred things up...I don't really know how I'm doing. I'm not actually feeling unwell as such at the moment. Which is good. But I also don't really have a reason for living. Which is not so good. I guess you could say I'm just existing at the moment.
My T had 4 weeks off in Dec/Jan and I still haven't managed to reconnect with him. And now he's currently away for another week. I don't think it's really bothering me too much at the moment. I'm just so cut off from everything.
Some days I feel a young part real upset underneath and it's normally those days I feel like going to Camp Comfort. But there's way too many people there at the moment. So I'm the one sitting in the bushes watching everyone else have a nice time. I've got my kitty with me and there's some flowers around us.
My T has been working hard at trying to make things safer for me with him. I now sit on the floor right up beside his chair. Which has been hard. So much conflict inside. The older parts think the whole thing's ridiculous. Even though it does help the younger parts. There are days where I completely deny and ridicule the whole parts idea then talk about a specific part in the very next sentence.
And I've also had a lot of mum stuff hanging over my head. I always thought mum was the good parent. She certainly didn't rage like my dad did. But now I see some things that kind of indicate she has been a lot more harmful to me than dad. So now she's flipped from good to bad in my head which has been very hard to deal with. I'm still not able to see her as an in between.
So yes, things have been hard for me and I'm probably not doing real well at the moment.
poster:littleone
thread:631698
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/631982.html