Posted by Racer on March 17, 2006, at 20:31:25
I'm sorry to use that word, it was the best I could come up with. I don't know how anyone here feels about "mental illness" as a label, and I guess that gets my point across as well as anything else.
Last night, in my therapy group, the issue of identity came up. One woman said that bulimia had been her identity for so much of her life. And as she said it, I got this strong visceral reaction: I still feel as though AN is a big part of my identity, and it's not a part that I want to give up. It's a part of my identity that I like. And it bothers me that it's not longer a visible part of my identity. No one looking at me right now would know that I have an ED, and I doubt anyone could guess how horrible it is for me to be in this body that just doesn't feel right. All the time, except when I tried Ritalin, I can just feel the fat around my belly, and I HATE it. I want to be thin again, but it's largely because it feels as though my identity has been stripped away. (And my control, too, since I can't seem to lose any weight, no matter how little I eat.)
So, do any of you ever feel this? That whatever brought you to psychotherapy is too integral to your identity to give it up? Have you found your way out of that?
Just musing, and wondering how many others share this issue.
poster:Racer
thread:621456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/621456.html