Posted by pegasus on March 11, 2006, at 22:48:02
In reply to Interview with SI researcher tomorrow ***trigger*, posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 22:11:41
OK, I did it! Racer, you were right that it was easier, because I didn't know the interviewer. I just forgot about that for a while, I guess. My mind went into super irrational mode this morning.
The weirdest part was that she recorded the interview. Most of the questions were about my feelings about not SI-ing now, and how I thought about the future, and what helped or didn't help in my process of stopping SI. I got to talk about all of the things my therapists have tried that didn't help at all, which was surprisingly satisfying. She didn't seem surprised that I said I didn't see myself as having stopped. Just, it's been a while. It was not as scary as having to talk about actually doing it.
One interesting thing was that I couldn't identify any internal reason to feel good about having stopped. All of my reasons seem to be external: don't want to be a bad example to my daughter, don't want to make my husband upset, don't want to disappoint my therapist, don't want to freak out my friends. Internally, I miss it. There were a lot of good feelings that went with it.
But, when I *think* about it, I know it's better for me to not feel all of that aggression toward myself. Why do I *feel* lukewarm about that? Hmmm . . . I think I could stand to do some more therapy around this issue. I'm not very comfortable with some of the true statements that came out of my mouth today.
I hope you guys are right that this is a good thing to do. I hope she finds something useful in her research.
Thanks for the support!
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:618641
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/619143.html