Posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 9:30:36
In reply to About not letting go after the fact, posted by Racer on March 10, 2006, at 2:07:55
Racer,
It sounds like I have a lot of the same issues that you have. This is exactly how I used to be in school. It actually got a lot better when I got on the right meds, but it still happens.
I remember one time in therapy a couple of years ago I was describing this type of anxiety over a talk I had to give for work. We explored what the anxiety was really about, because obviously it wasn't going to be a problem to anyone else if I didn't do a perfect job. At one point my T said it would be great if my motivation to work on the talk could just be the benefit of the people listening. You know, just give a good talk so they can learn what I have to say. Instead of my motivation being all about how the talk could define me (to myself) as a success or failure, or worthless or stupid.
That has really stuck with me since then for some reason. I've tried to identify what the healthy motivation might be for all of the things that cause me anxiety now. Such as, in your example, maybe taking this class would just be about you learning the subject. Not so much about a grade validating your potential/intelligence/worth (or more to the point, invalidating them). In that case, you could make a mistake on the test, and as long as you understood what the mistake was, you would still have accomplished a very reasonable personal objective in taking the class (i.e., learning), and the whole episode would be considered successful.
Wouldn't that be nice? It's something I've decided to aspire to.
(BTW, I don't mean to be criticizing you, but I can see it might sound that way. I understand how it is to think about grades that way, because that's how I think about them.)
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:618255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/618307.html