Posted by barna on February 24, 2006, at 4:43:18
Hi all of you who are reading. I'm writing from Spain and my English is not perfect, sorry for that, I had never expressed my feelings in a foreign language and it's kind of weird. That said, thanks for this site and your postings, they have helped me a lot to understand some things that have been happening to me recently, and I don't feel so rare now.
I'm 27 years old, I'm gay, and I started therapy one year and a half ago because my 5-year relationship was arriving to its end and I couldn't finish it. We did couple therapy for some months until we arrived to the conclusion that best thing for my ex-partner and I was to finish our relationship. She ended therapy and I continued it with my therapist, but after some months my ex restarted therapy with the same therapyst. I told my therapyst that I didn't think it was a good idea that she had both of us as clients, but she finally said this wouldn't interfere with my therapy process. But I think in some way it does, although I accept her decision.
During some time until now I've been experimenting strong positive transference feelings towards my therapist and this is creating me much pain, although I now know that it is part of the growth. I wonder if my ex is experimenting the same, and I wonder if this transference feelings "always" happen. I don't know much how to deal with it. I told my therapyst what I was feeling for her, and she said it was normal, and that I shouldn't worry about it. But I can't avoid feeling bad and stupid because I have very strong feelings towards a person I will probably never have the chance to know deeply. This is very frustrating, because I think she is a very interesting person and I would like to have a personal and real relationship with her. I told her I loved her very much, and she told me she loved me as well. I need to hugh her, to touch her, and I know this has to do with my current needs, so I feel bad.
I've cried a lot and although she has helped me a lot and I have learnt much in our sessions, I'm thinking about terminating the therapy, because it's painful and I feel stupid. I don't know what to do. I will see her next week to talk about this and I don't know what is the best to do.
I am confused, some feedback would be helpul.
Thanks for being there and allowing me to say all this, it's very important for me.
poster:barna
thread:612728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/612728.html