Posted by James K on February 13, 2006, at 18:05:50
In reply to Re: Why won't they help me I asked*trigger* rant, posted by B2chica on February 13, 2006, at 15:43:09
thank you chica and muffy. I read what you said before I left the house. My wife went shopping on her day off. I went for a walk . I put on the big sunglasses and the denim jacket and the big knife and went around the corner to the store. I got wild turkey and cohiba dominican cigar. I walked down the street and went into the woods. In my city, there are always some woods. I listended to the birds, rats, rabbits, and maybe bums. I sent out the signal - I am here come up. I can let you finish my cigar, you can't have any of my Wild Turkey, but I'll talk to you or maybe you'll get out of line. That's why I came here. it's my hood too. I walk down the street and look the cops in the eye. when I get the walk sign, I go, I dare them to turn in front of me. I'm so violent in spirit. I'm okay now. I told my wife, I will go in. So what's new? How can I tell them at the rest home that I'm a f*cked up ready to go way wrong dude. They think I'm full of sh*t, and I'm on my best behavior. If I hurt someone real bad right off the start, will I get treatment based upon my head, not my demeanor? I've never been diagnosed DID or MPD, but I do lose time, and and when the adrenaline flows, it's all gone. I walk down any street anywhere, any time. How can I call myself a man if I don't. But I agreed again to do what i have to. I'm going to stay drunk for 2 more days and wednesday afternoon or thursday morning, I will be in a long term treatment program. My wife is a many year legal secretary and knows top attorneys in town. She will make it happen . I just wanted when I said now, that that would be enough.
I have personalities, but not like mpd, I've never figured out inner child, but I love Alice MIller and Andrew Vachss, they are my heroes. They tell the truth. I'm rambling again, sorry. (I listent to this album called "the liberitines" by the l*bertines almost every day right now) (that and minx by leatherface) music helps, guitar helps, singing helps.
thanks you two b2 and muffled for today. So many others before and since also. YOu know who you are, so do I. I don't forget, and it is going to happen, just not as easy and quick as we thought.
love to all,
James K
poster:James K
thread:609198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/609246.html