Posted by Voce on February 10, 2006, at 1:42:00
I cried most of the evening and just sobbed for a long time in the shower. Now I'm crying more and I can't really see the screen or anything. I feel so rotten, so terrible, so alone. I am stressed because T2 hasn't replied to my e-mail yet and I'm so so scared that maybe all that time I spent in therapy was meaningless. I'm crying because my fiance and I can't agree on ANYTHING this week. And I feel so alone, like I want to just crawl into a warm hole and not go to work or anything, just be alone.
I want to go to the forest with Damos and Muffled. Actually, there is this aquarium near where I live that has a huge fish roundabout where all the fish just swim in a huge circle around you, and you stand in the middle of the room. It's so quiet, and when I went there I felt so safe and enveloped, like I wanted to curl up and go to sleep there because the fish would just keep swimming, and surrounding me. It felt like they had all this quiet energy and wisdom that made the quietness nurturing and safe. And I could close my eyes and just *be* there, with the fish and all those thousands of tiny beating hearts and breathing lungs that somehow all swim together, in perfect conjunction. I have felt that way so very few times. T1 was the only person I have ever felt that with. I want to feel that again.
What I just wrote makes very little sense. I'm sorry to be sucking up all the Babble energy. I feel guilty that I ask for so much here and never give. I think I better go to sleep now because this day isn't going to improve on itself.
poster:Voce
thread:608210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/608210.html