Posted by pseudoname on February 9, 2006, at 9:20:10
In reply to Re: “failure” success » pseudoname, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2006, at 12:07:40
> I actually find a lot of success with that sort of approach.
> I hope it sticks for you.Declaring something a "failure" before I try to do it has continued to work against simple tasks that seem impossible. There seems to be a narrow range where it works for me, though. It has to be a simple thing that I *want* to do but for unknown reasons just can't bring myself to start or finish.
I think the logic of it MAY be that when I was a kid, I was so often humiliated and rejected by family members when I thought I'd achieved something. My older brother would hit me, my dad would boil over with critism, my older sister would tell me to stop being so conceited, etc. For example, Dad was apoplectic about the cost of my music lessons. (We could well afford it, believe me.) I was shut out of all the developmental milestones my dad celebrated with my brother. Etc, etc.
This was such a consistent, long-term influence from a very early age. As I got into my teens, my dad developed dementia, which no one ever talked about until after he died. I felt all my successes in high school were a fraud and everything would crash to ruins as soon as my friends or teachers saw how cognitively impaired my dad was. I think that fear was so burned into me that it continues to this day.
So anything now that smacks of "success" – even something as little as taking out the trash – makes me terrified of the repercussions. But if what I'm about to do is sure to be a "failure", well, then there's no retribution to worry about.
Sounds crazy. It *is* crazy! But a problem like this can ruin a life...
poster:pseudoname
thread:606488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/607907.html