Posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 16:57:08
And yet I do feel as though I'm bringing it upon myself. I was feeling kind of "normal" again (back to just blah rather than wanting to die) so I started doing more internet research, looked at the webpage again (it's like a car accident I can't take my eyes off of?, and yet it's also beautiful, but so so so upsetting), I keep thinking about her, and then all the turmoil comes right back.
It feels so bad. Why do I make myself feel this bad? I know, it's not really an answerable question. Or at least, not easily.
I think I want to be beaten black and blue so that people will believe how much this hurts. I feel scared no one will believe me. Or maybe I'm just convinced they must not believe me, because if they did, someone would have rescued me from this terrible fate by now.
poster:crushedout
thread:604240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/604240.html