Posted by jammerlich on January 22, 2006, at 23:24:07
Why do I do it over and over again? Probably because I seem to surround myself IRL with people who are very much like me. Meaning they couldn't even nurture a flea. Or maybe it's that they are fixers more than listeners. I don't know.
I tried talking with a friend (not a close one, as that feels safer to me) about all my feelings over ex-T calling and how I was so confused. Her answer, "You just need to find Jesus and let him heal you." Yeah, okay. Why didn't I think of that? I tried to explain to her that I'm "saved" according to her definition of the word, but the same things that work for her don't necessarily work for me.
But she couldn't accept that. If my faith isn't enough to make me all better, then I'm just not faithful enough. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just too needy - I want love, acceptance, and understanding from someone with skin on them. I want my T back. So sue me.
I also wanted to ask her why she was just telling me how depressed she is if Jesus is all she needs. But I didn't. And that was quite a feat. I'm actually rather proud of myself. I was even gracious when she suggested some books that might lead me in a direction I've never considered before.
Anyway, it's left me feeling shamed about my beliefs and even more alone. Didn't really think that was possible.
poster:jammerlich
thread:601962
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/601962.html