Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 21:59:56
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on January 18, 2006, at 21:02:13
Mostly work.
I'm so used to doing the same sort of work, and I am pretty good at it. But with the hurricane, my work is going to be quite a bit different than usual over the next few months. And I have no confidence whatsoever that I will be good at it.
I'm trying to see it in small segments. I'm trying to start off with things I feel confident in doing. I've set some limits on the amount of work I can take on. But there's only so much I can do to make this more bearable. Short of winning the lottery, these next five or six months will be the worst work months of my life. The horror would have already started, except that I have been wrapping up the stuff I know how to do well.
So I'm having horrible anxiety attacks at night, only dimly remembered the next day. And that's with klonopin and Risperdal. My poor husband has to sleep with his wife draped over him clutching him tightly.
I'm growing more and more despairing as I finish the familiar work and am left with the unfamiliar. My bosses say not to worry, just do my best.
If I thought I could in any way afford it, If I weren't such a d*mn spendthrift, I'd quit my job of twentyfive years.
The stress of taking care of my mother's two dogs on top of my own four is getting to me too. They're very nice dogs, and it's certainly not their fault that their "mom" has abandoned them with us for five months and counting. But they're old and poorly housetrained (ok, not housetrained at all), and it's just an extra stress.
I guess most of all, I need what I used to have with my therapist. A place to feel safe, a way to bring home some of that safety to last until the next session, a really effective place to *feel*.
I spent today at the office again, and it is just so immensely draining to me.
I'm tired and need to go to sleep, but I dread it. So much that I'd almost rather force myself to stay awake.
poster:Dinah
thread:600494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/600548.html