Posted by littleone on January 12, 2006, at 0:02:47
In reply to Re: ShortE? Tamar? LittleGirlLost? Pfinstegg? » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on January 8, 2006, at 10:42:07
> For the past year, I have really been doing better in real life, but the sessions with my analyst are painful beyond belief.
I can hear in your post that you are in a more painful place than the last time you posted. I'm sorry to hear that. But I am glad you poked your head up to update us. I love seeing your name on the board.
> When therapy is this intense, very intense things happen between us. To give an example, one particularly bad day, I came in and lay down on the couch; before I knew it, I was lying curled up on my side, not having said a word. He said, "the amount of pain I'm feeling from you is nearly unbearable for me, so i know it's even worse for you. It feels pre-verbal, so perhaps words shouldn't be our first way of communicating right now. Can you show me with your body what it is like? I sat up, and he commented very gently on the tears streaming down my face, the high, squeaky tone of my voice (when I did manage to get a few words out), the sadness in my eyes, and the fact that I was hugging my knees and shoulders. These were all very gentle, simple phrases, but with a lot of caring in them.I am sure this was an infant ego-state, and it did feel so understood that the pain had lessened a lot by the end of the session.
That feels like such a special moment. I understand how different it feels to actually have someone pay attention to us and see how we're hurting and to listen (with more than just their ears, listen with their internal radar) and to show us so tenderly that they understand. Sometimes I wonder if that is a special therapy experience or if normal kids in healthy families really have that experience every day.
I love hearing your therapy stories. They are so touching. And I love your analyst. I'm so glad you have him to help you.
> This is pretty much what we have been doing, day by day, and I have felt that it's kind of a "downer" to post about it here. But maybe not- after all, there are simple, common threads running thrtough our own unique experiences.
Not a downer at all. Touching. And there's always something in there to think about.
> Now that I have so much better emotional access to these ego states, he suggested that it might be a good time to have several EMDR sessions. I'm going for the first one (to a different therapist who specializes in that) next Tuesday. I am really encouraged by what people have posted here- and hope I can do the same!Are you worried at all? I feel threatened just at the thought of opening up feelings, but then you've done a lot more work on that than what I have. I'm glad you're in a safe enough place within yourself to be able to take this step. I'm sure you will get a lot from the experience.
I'm sending you warm thoughts to help you along on Tuesday. Will you let us know how you go?
poster:littleone
thread:595631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/598202.html