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Re: trauma and cycles in the present » gardenergirl

Posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2006, at 19:57:40

In reply to Re: trauma and cycles in the present, posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2006, at 7:25:49

> I think that when we do this, it's because it's the known. It's our known way of interacting and of expectations of others.

yeah.

> > > and i think maybe... i do that a lot...
> I haven't observed that here.

yeah.
maybe i'm not making much sense :-(
(it isn't you it is me)
yeah.
maybe i'm not making much sense :-(

> > > because i do get scared.
> > > and it is kind of self defence...

> I think that's a good insight. We often do things we don't like in ourselves when we are scared, anxious, or protecting ourselves from a perceived or anticipated hurt.

how do i stop it?

> > > only...
> > > people probably need to protect themself from me really :-(

> No more than anyone does from anyone else...

i think... i might be worse with that than most people... or even if i'm not... i still don't want to do that anymore :-(

> Developing insight into what's going on, and feeling safe enough to try something different is also a way to start doing something different.

insight is hard. maybe because... i don't properly have it. i can see that i do this at times... but actually saying 'now! see look i am doing it now!' is a different matter. i can't tell... for a time i can't tell whether that is what i am doing or whether i am just undermining myself and that i'm way off... i can't tell. and so... i don't know what to do. and sometimes i cycle... i think yeah it is me doing that thing again and i need to stoppit. but then... i think no it wasn't that and thats just what other people want me to believe so i tow their line... and then i feel a bit mad... and i keep going... keep on... and i vaccilate... and i hate that and i need it to stop :-( and i don't want it to happen anymore :-(


 

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