Posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 19:26:41
In reply to Re: Can you call her? » Tamar, posted by Voce on December 14, 2005, at 18:48:56
> Thanks for asking, Tamar.
>
> I haven't heard anything, and I haven't called either. I'm kind of at a stalemate with the whole thing. I have come to a conclusion on the familial issue (it has to do with my wedding, and I decided to talk to my clergyman, who is trustworthy).I’m glad you found someone to talk to about that issue.
> But then there's the sexual issue...and being that my fiance and I aren't sleeping together, I don't know if it would be productive to talk about it now, or just super embarrassing. So maybe I should wait on that and see how everything goes in that department.
I always reckon it’s best to get into these things as soon as possible. It often feels a bit embarrassing when things aren’t going well sexually, even if you’re not actually having sex. But if there are difficulties, it will be easier on you if you can begin to deal with them as soon as possible.
I don’t know anything about your circumstances. But if you and your fiance aren’t sleeping together, I can’t imagine you’re a little nervous about beginning to sleep together. I’m guessing you’re waiting until you’re married… and one thing I’d mention is that wedding night sex is often rather disappointing and sometimes downright awful. If you’ve never gone beyond first base, I’d recommend taking it very slowly indeed for a few weeks after the wedding. Sexuality is for enjoying, not for rushing (IMHO).
One other thing… and of course you don’t have to respond to this (or indeed anything I say)… but if you don’t have a solo sex life yet, I’d recommend getting in touch with that part of yourself now. Finding pleasure in your own body is (I believe) the best way to begin to explore your sexuality.
Take a look at http://www.the-clitoris.com/ for further information. Actually, take a look at it whatever your circumstances, because there’s a lot of good information there. (Disclaimer: I don’t agree with everything there; I have serious ideological differences with some of the stuff about sexual abuse, for instance. But I think much of the site is worth reading.)
> Or perhaps I'm just rationalizing away the fact that I want to talk to her. Hmm.
Possibly… But if you want to talk to her, you can pick up the phone!
Good luck.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:586795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/589122.html