Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 13:54:12
In reply to Re: Gauging comfort levels » Tamar, posted by one woman cine on December 10, 2005, at 20:14:53
> I'm sorry you are feling so badly about all this, on top of feeling badly about the issues going on in therapy. I don't think it's trivial and have never stated such.
>
> I also don't see your feelings as wrong. I don't think anyone is here to judge or criticize, especially not me. I hope you are able to talk about the stuff you are grappling with.Well, you see, there’s the thing. I’d like to talk about it. But I’d like to have the freedom to employ a wide range of expression, including humour.
> I must say however, that I feel everyone has a right to discuss how they are feeling about a particular issue within reason. This is a very provocative and serious issue for many people, & as you have stated, yourself.
Certainly everyone has the right to discuss how they are feeling. I’ve said already that I’m glad people are being honest about their feelings. What I’d like to see next is more working together to understand each other (I don’t mean to direct that at you specifically; I mean in general).
> & I don't know, but I feel that anyone saying anything about this, that expresses concern or discomfort is being silenced b/c it makes the original poster uncomfortable.
I don’t think anyone has been silenced. On the contrary, many people have expressed their concern and discomfort. And I’m glad they have. I’m glad that I now have a better understanding of why people are concerned and uncomfortable. I absolutely don’t want to silence anyone.
But I also want to be understood. At the moment I sense that the depth of people’s feelings is so profound that it’s hard to imagine understanding a different perspective. So perhaps the most I can hope for is that people will accept my perspective, even if they don’t understand it. It seems to me that people are willing to do that, and I’m very grateful that they are.
> I know this is simplifying it, (& I sincerely hope I don't aggravate you further by trying to explain....) but when I feel I'm not able to express myself, (& this is getting into my stuff) - I feel I'm not being "nice" etc etc. In essence, my silence means I'm taking care of someone else, at the expense of how I feel.
Ah. So perhaps if I’m not allowed to express myself by joking about my therapist, my silence means I’m taking care of people who find it too serious, at the expense of how I feel?
> This isn't about judging feelings as right or wrong. Because they aren't either. They just happen.
No indeed. It’s not about the feelings. It’s about ways of expressing the feelings. And if some methods of expression are encouraged and others are discouraged, judgments are being made about appropriate methods of expression.
> But for me, if something is uncomfortable; that means I get to have my say too. I find it's just healthier for me to advocate for myself, instead of sitting with someone's elses stuff that may not belong to me. & not that anyone was trying to do that, that just happens too.
I agree that you should have your say. I’m glad to hear your point of view.
> I think it's really great you suggested the trigger warning, that's such a help. I hope I've cleared the air a little. I totally don't believe in censorship for anyone.
Yes, I think the trigger warnings are probably the best solution to a difficult problem.
Regarding censorship… I know that there are rules here; we don’t have total freedom of expression. We have to remain civil, for example. But within those constraints I think it’s important to allow people as much freedom of expression as possible.
poster:Tamar
thread:586772
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588070.html