Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2005, at 15:11:03
Well, I told him lots today, because he kept giving me openings, but I brought up the fact that I realized that I was avoiding talking about the problem of body image with him.
I didn't really want to discuss it today, so we only talked about it in terms of the fact that it came to mind while I was talking to him about the fact that I found it difficult to show anger in front of him and was more comfortable with sadness. I think the connection is that in both cases, I want him to see me a certain way, and I dislike bringing up things that might jeopardize that. In the former case, I don't want him to see me as a bad (angry) girl. And in the latter case, I don't want him to see me as someone with any body whatsoever, much less this one.
I mentioned that most of us with this difficulty had male therapists, but we had different theories as to why. I just thought that body image was such an intimate topic, more intimate than sex itself, that it was difficult to talk about with a person of the opposite sex. Which I think is true. I choose female gynecologists because they see parts of me I'd rather a man not see. And I might ask a female friendly acquaintance if a pair of pants made my bottom look big, but I wouldn't dream of asking a male friendly acquaintance. My therapist thought that those of us with body image problems might be more likely to choose a male therapist to obtain positive regard from a man. I think he's off there. I like men because I feel safer with them, and only if they don't see me as a person with a body.
I also told him that the board consensus was that he needed to find himself a therapist (he smiled in an agreeing sort of way - and he had given me an opening, I didn't blurt it).
And I told him that I think I was indeed more careful about showing anger to him since the hurricane than before (although it was always an issue), and that it wasn't just because there was more anger on my part. But that I also saw him as being a wreck and I didn't want to burden him. He sort of gave me an opening on that one too.
So it seemed like a wasted session in some ways, but at least I got stuff out on the table.
poster:Dinah
thread:582732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/582732.html