Posted by Damos on November 24, 2005, at 16:21:51
In reply to Re: Ok, ok, ok » Damos, posted by muffled on November 24, 2005, at 0:31:25
> > Hey Muffled,
> >
> > Everyone okay? I'm glad you don't feel like hurting yourself, that's really, really good.
>
> ***Yeah that is good. I'm very happy bout that. Hope it lasts.- And so you should be, I think you all deserve gold stars for being so good. I hope it lasts too cause it makes me sad when any of you get hurt. You should all be real proud of yourselves though, that's 2 times now that things have got a bit shaky and no-ones got hurt. Big hugs for everyone.
> > Thanks Muffled I think you're really sweet too. Wanna talk to me about what's going on with your T or what set off all the 'excitement'?
>
> ***Oh its just silliness over my T not phoning me. Nothing really. And maybe there's some stuff I goto talk about that I don't want to. I don't think she gets just how much conflict I have inside. But I can't barely talk cuz i'm so nervous. I write stuff, but somehow by the time I stop getting nervous and/or dissociating etc, its time to go, so it doesn't get talked about. Kindof of frustrating. Some part of me feels like I'm just a giant pain in the *ss to her. I get mad at me cuz wheres rational me when I need it.- T's are people too, some are more perceptive and intuitive than others and some have more experience with certain things than others - just like the rest of us. You're not a pain in the *ss to her or anybody else. You're just struggling with all that's going on is all - I would be too. I don't have anywhere near what you do going on in my life and I struggle and get frustrated with myself too, so don't be too hard on yourself okay. Give yourself time. None of us grown ups are perfect. You just let me know if there's anything I can do to help okay. That's what friends are for.
> > Now you be sure to tell that little chickadee inside that I'm very flattered and honoured that she likes me so much, and it's important to me that she's safe and okay, but that it's you who protects and looks after her okay, and that when she gets scared and upset or needs anything, that it's real, real important that she finds a way to talk to you about it so you can help her.
>
> ***She REALLY doesn't like me.- Maybe she's just as scared as you are. I know I have times when I'm scared and not feeling safe that I lash out and push people away and they think I'm cranky and don't like them. But I'm not, not really, I'm just trying to protect myself. And sometimes I'm just plain afraid to let somebody love me cause that means being vulnerable. Just be patient with her Muffled.
> I know you love these little ones Muffled and that's the most important thing. Just the most important thing.
>
> ***thats the other thing thats REALLY bugging me. Maybe I don't, maybe I AM lying, maybe I'm just saying what I think I should say and I'm just saying to get what I want and I really don't give a sh*t about her cuz she has all the stuff i don't like.- All I know is that you're sweet and kind and funny and caring and loving and that that's just exactly the kinda grow up I'd want to look after and take care of me. I think you do love her, but you're just not sure how to, and not knowing what all the stuff she has is scares you and makes you pull away a bit cause you're not sure you want to know, or what knowing it might mean. And it's okay to feel like that, it really is.
> I know it hurts big Muffled and the little ones too - I can feel that. But you know you have lots of friends here who care about you all and will help in anyway they can. And a lot of them know a whole lot about little kids.
>
> ***I should too.- And I think you do. But I think little kids inside is a bit different and more difficult cause you can't just kiss it better and put a bandaid on their hurts, or just snuggle them up in your arms, cause those hurts are inside you. Give yourself time to learn how to soothe them when they're upset and hurting and how to listen and talk to them about what's going on.
> > All families have missunderstandings and times when they don't get on so good, it's normal.
>
> ***Oh God I hope so. I just don't know right now. I feel like we so far apart and I'll be fractured forever. I will never be whole. I'm a bad example to my kids.- You can do it, I just know you can. You're not a bad example to your kids - No Way! You love 'em just as much as you can, you take the very best care of them you can, and that's all anyone can do.
> > You all take care now okay. Grab a hot chocolate and curl up on the lounge again until everyone is okay and then try and have a good sleep and come back and talk to us some more in the morning.
>
> ***I think we both just pouting now. I think she got me going sad too. I don't do sad. Sh*t.- What precious girls you are. I can just see those pouty faces. I'm gonna put on my best pouty face too and let's just see who smiles first. Ready, set, go.......d*amn, you guys win. Shoulda known you can't beat girls in a pouting competition :-)
- Why don't you do sad Muffled? Being sad is okay. I get sad too sometimes, most everyone does. It's just a feeling and experiencing feelings is okay - I'm just learning that.
> > (((((Muffled)))))
> >
> ***Thanks Damos.- My pleasure
(((((all the precious Muffled ones)))))
poster:Damos
thread:581770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/581927.html