Posted by Susan47 on November 19, 2005, at 10:03:12
In reply to Why do we develop so much of feelings towards T?, posted by orchid on November 18, 2005, at 21:08:37
I think we develop obsessive feelings for therapists because they aren't doing their jobs properly.
My own belief is coming to be that when they do what they're paid to do, we don't develop those sorts of feelings for them, period.
When these unhealthy feelings develop, (I say that because of my belief that any obsession, if it's emotional and binding, is unhealthy.. and I had one of those and I think you had one too, Orchid) maybe it's a phase of therapy, but there's no way it should last, and stuck as you are with those feelings, or stuck as I am with them, maybe it means our therapists ventured into territory they couldn't adequately help us explore to a successful conclusion.
I wish there were a magic bullet that could end your frustration, and mine too, and right now I'm glad I'm half a world away because it's the only thing that's allowed me to forget for awhile. But you did move a half world away from yours and are you still feeling caught up? I'm afraid to come home again, in many ways, because I'm afraid of the feelings of loss, sadness, and yearning, but also I felt so ridiculously alive; but the overwhelming feeling is one of rejection and I just don't want to live like that anymore. I wanted him to spend more time with me, but I could never pay him to do that. I'm not part of his real life but I wanted to be, and I just couldn't deal with that anymore. It was a very sick situation for me.
The only other thing I can think of that would make any sense to me at all, is that the therapist showed you love, or gave you a message somehow, that he loved you, and you responded to that. Maybe it has to do with unresolved childhood issues, or some bonding issues from infancy ... That's the only thing that makes any sense to me at all. I remember the intense feelings of love that I had towards my T, I remember feeling truly alive for the first time, and worthy of something, and Orchid I would love to have had a real person in my life to share those feelings with, to have those feelings about, but it's never happened before and I don't think it'll ever happen again because it just felt too special and too good to be real. It made me feel crazy. Losing my therapist, although he never adequately gave me any therapy, was and still is a tragedy for me.. yet I'm not certain my life would have been complete without the wonderful feelings that were evoked. For the first time in my life I actually felt I was loved.. which is impossible, how can a stranger love you, it didn't make any sense.
I think therapy with the wrong person might actually be more harmful than none at all ...
(((Orchid)))
poster:Susan47
thread:580253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/580373.html