Posted by Tamar on November 10, 2005, at 4:06:54
In reply to How do I come across. REALLY?, posted by muffled on November 9, 2005, at 23:17:36
> I can take it. I need to know. Would the words:
> flake, nut, idiot, changable, erractic, depressed, manic, etc. etc. come into your mind?None of those words came into my mind. The words that came into my mind were:
Sweet, caring, honest, brave, clever, funny, interesting.> I'm having a thing about how I come across, and its one of those things where noone will tell you the truth. they just say nice things cuz they don't want to hurt your feelings. But then how on earth am I to know who I am if people don't tell me how I appear?
Maybe the truth isn’t as bad as you think! And the other thing is that part of how you appear to other people is about their stuff and not really about you. So if there are any people who don’t like the way you come across, maybe they’re the ones with the problem…
> I don't wanto hear nice stuff, i want to hear the negatives so I can change them. How can I change them if i don't know i'm doing them?
Sorry, I couldn’t think of any negatives. I’m sure you have some flaws, as we all do. But there was nothing that sprung to mind. But I have to admit, I sometimes rather like people’s flaws. I have a friend who is a bit flaky, another who is quite bossy, another who analyses absolutely everything… that’s part of who they are. And there’s always an up-side to those ‘flaws’. My flaky friend has brilliant ideas; the bossy one is very good at organising stuff and the analytical one always knows what to do. I wouldn’t want them to change. Besides, they accept *my* flaws. If they were all perfect, they probably wouldn’t want to talk to me any more!
> OK rant over, let me know, I'm ready.
If you reallyreally want to know how you come across, it’s usually best to ask people in real life who can see your body language and stuff like that. There are some things that it can be helpful to change. For example, people who don’t make a lot of eye contact (or who make too much eye contact) might find it difficult to interact with other people sometimes, and they might be happier if they were able to change this. Maybe it would be interesting to ask your therapist how she thinks you come across!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:577322
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577358.html