Posted by fallsfall on October 23, 2005, at 19:27:32
In reply to Re: Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on October 23, 2005, at 18:50:43
Yes, I think the orientation of the therapist does matter with this question.
> So maybe that's the crux of the issue. Why does either of you need to be not right? Can't both of you be right in your own ways, just different ways? And can you tolerate differences between you and your therapist? Not differences as in arguments, but differences in ways of thinking?
It is almost a case of economy. I go to therapy because some of the ways I think about things get me into trouble (or, as he says, "Are not helpful for you"). My goal in therapy is to be "more helpful" to myself. That means deciding what things to change. But I'm not going to just take his word for it. He needs to show me why something isn't helpful before I'll change how I do things. If Babble ISN"T helpful for me, then I WILL change how I use it. But I'm not going to change if I don't have to. So if we were to say that we will agree to disagree, then I'm ignoring an area where I might actually want to make a change. I would rather discuss it and determine what IS best for me. It isn't a disagreement, it is a search for the truth - which involves the two of us trying to understand the issue better and trying to come to agreement.
What is painful for me is NOT that he doesn't understand Babble, nor that he is asking me to give up or change the way I use Babble. That is simply a discussion. What is painful is the transference that it brings up for me about him asking me to do his work as well as my own (I feel like I shouldn't have to spend my therapy time educating him on online bulletin boards, yet he doesn't seem to be willing to do it on his time). My reaction to this issue is WAY out of proportion, so I can tell that it really DOESN"T have anything to do with Babble (nor with him). If we stopped talking about it now, we would be missing an opportunity to figure out why I AM so upset about this.
And if we don't deal with it now, with this issue, the transference will come up again (in fact it is affecting me at work right now, and with my daughter). I NEED to work on this so I can work the transference through so it won't keep bothering me.
poster:fallsfall
thread:570043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/571131.html