Posted by daisym on October 23, 2005, at 0:35:52
In reply to Re: Chapter 2 » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on October 22, 2005, at 23:47:24
I've been thinking and thinking about this. I think what I've come up with is that I use babble to help me survive therapy and I use therapy to help me survive my life.
It took me a long time to figure out what was happening to me between sessions. I think my first post here was about feeling emotions after sessions instead of during. I needed babble to make sense of the theraputic process. But I don't typically (though I do sometimes) use babble for my "issues" -- like whether I should stay or go in my marriage, etc. I like support around the issues though, don't get me wrong. More, I like sorting out my interactions with my therapist and all these needs and reactions to him I'm having.
I guess I'd consider babble both soul soothing and courage building. If I can figure out how to write it down, I can figure out how to say it during a session. Sometimes I need a push toward saying it during sessions. Sometimes I need reassurance that it was OK that I DID say it during a session.
Does it dilute the transference? I guess it is impossible for me to figure that out since I see my therapist so much. If it does, I need it to. What I know happens is that I will talk about a subject I've written about and his questions and interpretations typically take us down a road I haven't gone yet.
Someone wrote that their therapist told them to stop visiting sites that were upsetting. Mine has done the same thing. But by bringing him my fears about what I read, we are able to talk about what I think will happen to me. I do talk about "the board" in therapy -- he sometimes asks if I'm ever given a hard time here about the frequency of my sessions or my dependency, because I struggle with those things -- but he also asks if hearing from others normalizes my experiences for me. Especially about being in parts and pieces. And about therapy taking years and years for some of us. But then again, he has benefitted directly from my participation here, having been alerted to a potentially dangerous situation. So I think he may have a different understanding about what we do for each other.
Lastly I will say this: a good deal of my therapy has focused on allowing myself to feel needy, to reach out for help and to not keep so many secrets. If I felt I couldn't talk about what was going on behind that door, if I felt it needed to be completely private, it would be another secret I was keeping. I still don't do these things much in my "real" life -- but the freedom of being so honest here has been truly healing.
I have great faith you will sort all this out between you.
(((Fallsfall)))
poster:daisym
thread:570043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/570769.html