Posted by daisym on October 14, 2005, at 10:45:02
In reply to Re: My therapist hurt my feelings » daisym, posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 20:39:13
Thanks all for the support, hugs and the holding...I knew I could come here for that.
You've asked some good questions, but the most important (to me) was, "why did he react the way he reacted?" -- and I think I may have thought I was much clearer in expressing the urge than I actually was -- meaning I've said lots of times "I need to hang on to you" and we both understand it means metaphorically and emotionally. I'm not sure how clear I was, even if in my own head I could hear myself screaming "grab my hand I'm drowning!" It isn't the first time I've expressed wanting to sit next to him but it is the first time I've expressed it in the moment and as an urge.
He said at the beginning of the session yesterday he didn't understand why my feelings got so hurt - that he was saying it was OK. And I did tell him that the response I expected from him was either "it is OK to want that" (unspoken,"don't act") or "why do you want that?" He said he has said before it is OK to want that. And then he stopped himself and said, "it was the wrong response. As we talk about this, I can see why you got so hurt. You just wanted/needed a safe place to think about what being held by me would be like and whether it would help or hurt." He asked me if I thought he was commenting on my attractiveness, if I was taking it like he didn't want to touch me in an "ewww" kind of way. (OK, I had to smile, he sounded like a little boy "couties")So we talked about adolescent fears that inhabit some of these feelings I have for him.
I think he rushed in because it was close to the end of the session and I've been so hopeless he didn't want me to leave feeling like I didn't have an anchor. He misses when he is anxious, which isn't often, but I'm scaring him right now. I hate knowing that. He tells me all the time that therapy works best when there are ruptures and repairs. And he didn't make me feel like I was just being stupid to feel hurt, nor was he ultra defensive in anyway. So I guess he gets points for that. He isn't perfect, but I guess I'll keep him.
I don't see him again until Monday but he wants a check in call today. I still don't have much to say. I find myself wishing he had email these days.
poster:daisym
thread:566593
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/566802.html