Posted by Sarah T. on October 3, 2005, at 3:27:34
In reply to Re: Analize this!!! » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on October 1, 2005, at 20:35:35
> > > So would you say they are angry with me? Or that some people are just like that? or impossible to know? >>
Hi rainbow,
I agree with fairywings. If you can, stay away from people like that. Don't even waste your time trying to analyze it. I know someone who is very similar to the person you're talking about. I'll refer to him as "the nasty relative." He is not angry with me. He is angry at the whole world. Many years ago, when I was a young teenager, I was very interested in photography. I saved up my money and bought myself a good camera and a few different lenses, and I took some photography classes. When I showed some of my photographs to the nasty relative, he said, "You have a good camera."
I was also very active in music earlier in my life. When I played in a recital, the nasty relative came backstage afterwards. Others who came backstage complimented me and/or gave constructive criticism. When my nasty relative spoke to me, all he said was, "You have a good, expensive musical instrument." It was so painful to hear him say that, especially because I was young, naive, trusting and enthusiastic. He really knew how to take the wind out of my sails. Now, years later, he still says things like that to everyone. He will never change.
I wasted time trying to understand this SOB. I realized that he is a failure, a failure in everything he does. Everything he has ever touched, from business ventures to relationships, has turned to s**t. Most of all, he is a failure as a human being. He hasn't a friend in the world. His relatives stay away from him because he is hell-bent on making them feel bad about themselves. Because he is such a miserable failure in everything he does, he just can't bear to acknowledge that someone else might have been successful on their own merits. Passing judgment on others through his thinly veiled criticisms gives him a false sense of superiority.
As I said, if you can, stear clear of people like this. They're miserable and feel driven to make everyone else feel miserable, too.
I spent some time in therapy discussing the nasty relative. My therapist said that the nasty relative is what Erich Fromm would have called a "necrophiliac." Of course, a necrophiliac is someone who loves dead bodies or is aroused by dead bodies. That is not what Erich Fromm meant. My therapist said that Erich Fromm used the term to describe those pathogenic people who try to snuff out the life in others around them. I look back to the young, enthusiastic person I once was. I was so full of life, I worked so hard and poured so much of myself into my photography and my music. Imagine how I felt when my relative said those things to me. If I had been the age I am now, I could have seen his comments for what they were, but to a child or young adult, those words were so damaging. They really did snuff out the life in me for a long, long time.
poster:Sarah T.
thread:561700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562222.html