Posted by happyflower on September 16, 2005, at 21:52:48
Hey! I know I haven't been on the boards much but I missed you all and came back tonight.
Okay update on therapy. My T is urging me to socialize more and to get myself out in the public. After my PTSD, I was afraid to go anywhere for I as sure my mother was going to blow off my head or abduct my kids or something. But now that I am not suffering from it, I am trying to trust more and make friends and such.
Well my trumpet teacher (who feels like an older brother to me) , has really helped me with trumpet playing and getting me out to play in groups. He knows a little about my past and knows I am in therapy. He has OCD and has been in a lot of therapy. I knew this guy about 15 years ago when he was my trumpet teacher in college. I feel like I can be myself around him. Which is a new feeling for me. I feel I can trust him, which is also something new to me.
Well anyways yesterday he told me that I seem so happy that is hard to believe what I have been through in my childhood. In fact he said I seem more happy and socialable than when he knew me 15 years ago. Even the band director said to my trumpet teacher that " I have come out of my shell since college". But what he doesn't know is that this is only very recently I have changed.
The only negative thing he sees is that I am so critical of my playing. Which is true. But we have come to the understanding that I am critical because it means so much to me and I want to improve my playing.But my T thinks I am too critical of myself in general. Which I am not sure if that is true, maybe some things I am, but not all. Why is this such a bad thing anyways? How do you improve if you don't look at yourself realistically? I don't know how my T plans on changing this attitude in me. But he has helped me change a lot of things in my life.
I don't know why I am writing but to say it is weird sometimes on how we are preceived by others, especially people who have known us before therapy. You know maybe I seem really happy because maybe I am happy. Could this be true? I am finding myself actually smiling a lot lately. Weird for me to feel happy, weird that happy can feel so weird. It feel light. I guess therapy is working for me.
poster:happyflower
thread:555874
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/555874.html