Posted by daisym on September 14, 2005, at 0:25:14
I have been determined to not fall apart about my therapist's vacation beginning this Friday. I know he needs one, in order to come back refreshed and ready to keep working. I'm pretty sure (75%) he will come back and keep working with me. This is a huge improvement from before.
I've admitted to him I don't want him to go. And I admitted upset and a tiny bit of anger. But I didn't want to bring it up this week. And I really didn't want to be sad and cry. I wanted to be mature about the whole thing, not need reassurance of any kind.
So what does he do? At the end of my session today he asked me if I wanted to hold on to his talisman, like before. I started to cry and I said I hadn't wanted to ask for it, I wanted to be OK with him going. He said it was OK for me to be sad and miss him and that lots of people liked to keep reminders around about people they miss. It keeps them connected. He also asked me if I would write to him if I started to really miss him, so he would know what I had been feeling while he was gone. And he promised to come back.
Tonight I'm really, really glad I have things to hold on to. But when do I stop needing props? Shouldn't I be able to hold him in my heart and just know that he'll be back and it will all be OK? Why can't I do this for myself? I want to be graceful and accepting about him being away and not have him see these tears.
I'm disappointed in myself that I couldn't do that.
poster:daisym
thread:554899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554899.html