Posted by Tamar on September 4, 2005, at 13:25:31
In reply to Transference won, posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
Hi Flying Kangaroo,
You sound quite frustrated with therapy, and it’s very understandable if you are!
I think it’s fairly common for therapists to refuse to answer questions about their personal lives – even questions about whether they’re married.
The transference thing is really hard work and very painful. So I can imagine that you don’t want to do therapy any more.
However, I think most people who work through the transference find that ultimately it’s helpful to them despite the pain. Of course, that depends on having a sympathetic and skilled therapist… Do you feel he has been at all helpful to you in exploring your transference?
I’m not sure what you mean when you say the fantasies are no longer harmless and no longer fun. I know that I had some fantasies about my therapist that seemed really strange (and quite disturbing) until I realised how they were connected to the problems we were working on together. And thinking about that helped me to realise what the transference was all about.
If he’s not encouraging you to talk about it, then I can see that giving up therapy might be something you’d want to do. But if he *is* encouraging you to talk about it, then it might be an idea to keep going if you can possibly handle it.
He can’t make the transference go away – and neither can you. But it *will* get better if you continue to talk about it. It takes a while, and I can imagine you might feel it’s a distraction from the ‘real issues’ you wanted to talk about when you began therapy. However, I found that transference helped me to process the real issues, even though at times I wished it hurt less.
From what you’ve said (and reading between the lines), it seems to me as you have some serious things to work on, and I wonder whether quitting therapy at this point will be the best thing for you. I know it’s hard at the moment. Sometimes the first couple of months of therapy can be particularly painful because you’re having to confront things you’ve been avoiding for a long time. It does get better. And if you have a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist, you can make a lot of progress. Also, I think once you start working through the transference some more you might find that some of the fun parts return.
Of course, it’s entirely your choice and I’m not trying to make you change your mind. I guess I’m just putting the other side of the situation.
Do you feel comfortable talking here about the details of discussions you’ve had with your therapist about transference? It might help… But only if you want to, of course. Anyway, I’m sure some of us will have had similar conversations!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:550524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/550601.html