Posted by cricket on August 22, 2005, at 13:39:56
Okay, after almost a week of very conflicting feelings over my last session, here's where I'm stuck now.
As most of you know, I revealed a dream in my last session that my therapist said revealed that I have a very negative transference toward him, bascially that I thought he was stupid and officious.
Stupid, no, not at all. I'm not sure how he thinks I think that. I listen to every word he says. My favorite sessions are the ones where he blabs away the whole time and he's noticed that and commented on it. So where does he get stupid from?
Officious, yes sometimes. But I have never said that to him and most of the time he is cold and formal I know that it is to protect himself from these very toxic feelings that I somehow want to spread to him.
So, he is way way off base from my reality and my feelings here. And I've been seeing him weekly for 3 years. So not really a lot of excuses for that.
So what's going on?
Very scary thought. Is it projection on his part?
He said and I quote exactly "There are things revealed by this dream that it is very difficult to talk about in any context."
Are his feelings towards me so negative that he projects them all back onto me?
Has this possibility occurred to any of you?
Or is it me just putting on my self-protective armor? He-hates-me-anyway-nothing-matters is a form of protection, no?
But he-hates-me-anyway-nothing-matters will at least get me there tomorrow. The here's-what-little-I-have-I-hope-it's-good-enough which is the feeling I had when I told him the dream just keeps me in the black pit.
poster:cricket
thread:545176
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050813/msgs/545176.html