Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 15:04:30
In reply to Lott - M or F therapist?, posted by fallsfall on July 28, 2005, at 18:41:17
Thanks for taking my book with you when you travel, and I'm so gratified to hear that it's helpful. I think the truth is that all of us still need security blankets --I know I do!!> It's interesting to hear that you had the same transference with a male and female therapist and that you were able to recognize it. I agree that it's better to have a good therapist than to worry about the gender. But of course if you're so antagonistic towards women or terrified of men that you can't relate at all, that would be a contraindication. In my own case, I was able to recognize very different transference with male and female therapists -- and bosses. And I behave very differently with each which brings out different behaviors in them as well. With women I'm always looking for a good nurturing mom and always vigilant for signs of disapproval and withdrawal. With men I tend to be more flirty and to treat them as wise authority figures while at the same time,half-expecting them to be idiots. Once you perceive your own patterns, you can control them and avoid some of the most negative consequences, but I'm not sure the patterns ever completely go away.
Hi Ms. Lott,
>
> First let me say that I take your book with me when I travel - sort of like a therapy security blanket. When I'm missing my therapist, I can read your book and "feel" therapized. You really get it. Thanks for putting it in writing.
>
> When people switch therapists they often wonder whether to go to a man or a woman. Many people think that if they had a problem with their father that a man will help bring out the issues better - but others who had problems with their fathers are afraid of men.
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> When I was interviewing candidates for my second therapist, I asked the question of whether I should go to a man or a woman. The answer by my current therapist (a man) was that I should choose a good therapist. That transference would occur regardless of the therapist's sex. I found this to be true: six weeks after I changed therapists I had the exact same transferece issues with my new (male) therapist that I had with my old (female) therapist.
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> Do you think that there are particular issues/situations where people should be insistant on a therapist of a particular sex? I wouldn't encourage my friend who is terrified of men to see a man, but other than that?
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> Thanks for coming here to Babble, and thanks for your book!
poster:deborah anne lott
thread:534961
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535340.html