Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2005, at 19:01:35
In reply to No Ego, posted by cricket on July 26, 2005, at 16:09:05
> I just got back from therapy and I never usually post until I've processed stuff, but it feels like this might slip away so I wanted to try and get it down.
I know what you mean there. Sometimes the stuff that feels really important, really significant, comes and goes ebbs and flows and can be oh so hard to remember...
> I've had a really rough week thinking that I want to quit therapy and all the parts have been fighting and arguing. I haven't slept much all week.Ok. So there is internal conflict about whether the body should continue in therapy or not.
> I sat numbly in therapy for the most part. Finally I told my therapist that one of my parts was crying all week because she didn't want me to quit therapy because then I would forget about her. Then I gave my therapist a brief listing of what the other parts thought about me quitting.
Ok. Kind of like pro's and con's. There are reasons to quit - and there are reasons not to.
> Then he said, "So what about you? Do you have an opinion?" I shrugged.
So there are pro's and con's and you aren't sure how to weigh them into a final decision.
>He said, "It sounds more like you're just the connector for all of these voices. You listen to this one and then to that one." I admitted to feeling like that.
Yeah. I feel like that a bit too.
>"There is really no solid ego there of your own, or rather it's the type of very fragmented ego that is created in the crucible of trauma."
OUCH!
Not that I'm quite sure what he means...
> I guess I know all that but at that moment I just felt the wind blowing through me. I am nothing, nobody, just a bunch of mixed up voices. There is really no Cricket there at all.I think...
Those voices have points.
Things to say, opinions, points of view,
That need to be taken into account.
I'm not sure...
But maybe what you are is the 'rational decider' that gets to see what they think and believe and want and hope and fear etc etc. And you need to be able to acknowledge that something inside your body really does think that and believe that and feel that etc etc. and then there are other parts with other points and feelings etc that may conflict with the first. and so on and so on. and you need to learn how to take all that into account and act from there. so... they are parts of you. because you (the integrated self) are the sum of the parts. but the sum is greater than the parts because it is about the parts being related to each other. that interrelationship is your role...
> Then he went on to say that this was a great opportunity for us to create something, to take the pieces that I wanted.Sort of. But then you have what you have. you have the parts you have. they have the feelings / thoughts that they have there is not a lot you can do about that. all of it needs to be acknowledged. but then you can see more of the picture than they can see because they are limited to themselves. you see all of them and how they interconnect. or you can learn to at any rate...
>I couldn't really hear too much after that. It sounded sort of Dr. Frankensteinish. We will create a me?
yup.
> Thoughts, anybody? I feel numb right now but I think I might be about to fall apart.(((Cricket)))
poster:alexandra_k
thread:533839
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/533902.html