Posted by pinkeye on July 26, 2005, at 16:35:29
In reply to Re: My Last Post about my EX T. » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on July 26, 2005, at 15:43:08
Thanks Tamar.
How was your vacation? I missed you !!. Did you have a good time?
Perhaps my termination with my current T is helping me get some closure with my ex T as well. With my current T, I don't have that much intense attachment - I am more like an equal and we keep it sort of strictly professional relationship. There is a very clear and unambiguous relationship that I have with her. I do now know anything about her - not even her age, and we don't have intense feelings for each other. I think both of us feel good about each other, and I admire her professional capacity, and she respects my efforts, openness, and insights I have into myself - but beyond that there is no relationship as individual persons. In a way, it should have been that way with my ex T. And I think perhaps he viewed me as that from the beginning - he must have respected the efforts that I am putting in getting better, and he must have appreciated my openness etc. But I think he didn't bond with me as a person. And I failed to see that with him because of my transference. But now, I am beginning to realize that with my current T, that I also haven't bonded with her as a person, and I ought to have perhaps treated my ex T in the same light. It is almost like a second chance for me to see things in a different perspective, and I think it helps. For some reason, with my ex T, I always saw him as a person, rather than as a professional, and consequently I developed all these feelings and wanted his friendship. So in that way, it is helping me close down with him mentally also.
My plans to India are a little shaky now. For some reason (not even known to me !!), my husband is backing off a little. He wants to first go and try a brief vacation and then come back for a few weeks here and then resign our jobs.. He doesn't want to resign and go. So we are leaving in the later half of August for a month or a little longer vacation, and then we would be coming back to the US for a few weeks, and then we would shift for good. WE are vacating the apartment etc now itself, but just keeping our jobs for now. Thanks for asking !!
> Hey Pinkeye,
>
> It's good to see that you're making so much progress with your ex-T issues.
>
> > He was allright - some good things, some bad things - in some ways he was an extremely good person and a good T and in some way, he was an extremely awful person and an awful T - like everyone else. But he is just human - like me, and no better, no worse. In a way, I am glad he made all these mistakes with me - it made me realize my own worth by knowing that everyone is just as good/ or as bad as me.
>
> I really like what you said there. It makes so much sense.
>
> > I felt it will be good to close it. That chapter is over now.
>
> Do you feel that doing termination with your current T is helping you to process the termination with your ex-T? It sounds as if you're making a lot of progress at the moment.
>
> I was thinking about you earlier today and wondering when you're gonig back to India... Is it very soon? Will you still be able to post here?
>
> Tamar
>
>
poster:pinkeye
thread:533788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/533844.html