Posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 20:27:35
In reply to I understood the problem with me.., posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 20:15:35
And all along, I set way too high standards for myself.. And I kept blaming myself, and torturing myself, and set such low standards for people around me - for my dad, for my husband. I would never have forgiven myself, if I had behaved like any of them. But I try to forgave them again and again and tried to put myself in their shoes and understand them, and empathize with them.
REally, if I had had a son, past 10 - 12 years, and if I ever asked him to sleep hugging me and put his legs and arms around me, and sleep on top of me etc, I would never have forgiven myself. But I forgave my father for doing that to me, everyday even till I was 20. And he had the guts to suggest that I should not ever break away from him, that I shouldn't try to keep any secrets even with my husband from him. I forgave him for all that. And my husband is another category.. I should never have taken his sh*t about the cult he was involved in.. He had the audactiy to change everything about me and control me - from what I ate, to what I dressed, to how I cooked, to whether I ate out or not, to if I saw in movies or not.. He had the guts to even take away novels that I was reading and throw it in the dustbin because he didn't approve of it. And I put up with all that. He even had the guts to suggest you should not have sex between husbands and wives, that it is a sin, and I took even that. What crap he gave me, and I took all of it.
poster:pinkeye
thread:530799
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/530838.html