Posted by pinkeye on July 15, 2005, at 22:15:11
In reply to Re: So how do you feel good about yourself?? » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 15, 2005, at 21:27:22
Thanks JenStar - You always say good things about me. I hope I can say to myself some of those things too.. I also don't know why it is being so hard.. But I really end up blaming myself so much.. and have such poor self esteem.. Nowadays I am realizing, I am even afraid to talk to women in my office in groups.. I can talk well one to one, but if there is more than one or two persons, then I am extremely self conscious.. and keep quite. I am thousand times better with Indian crowd.. so maybe that is an issue.
But I really don't like myself or my body. I can't really see how women sometimes are quite confident they are attractive, how they can wear revealing clothes.. and are confident that men will like them and they like themselves.. It is such a hard thing for me to comprehend that anyone would like me, or that I can like myself truly..
Maybe it has to do with my father.. and the issues with him. Many times he would just say everybody pretends to be good on the outside.... and he used to pretend a lot in front of people also.. So I think I also assumed I am also like that, but actually I never pretend.. maybe little, but mostly not that much.. I don't know..It is somehow I keep thinking, "why does this person like me? Why can't they see how crappy I am.." Even when I read your post, that is the first thought that came to my mind.. "How can she like me?".. And when my husband likes me, I just dismiss it.. and think he is pretending or it will go away soon.. I don't even allow people to like me - I make fun of it or think they are just pretending.
Today, my mgr was trying to work out some ways to give me an extended vacation for this going back to India.. And I was thinking, why is he being so nice to me? He was being so very genuine, and he tried to work things wiht his manager.. And I was really surprised.. I thought they would flat out refuse. HE said he can rehire me without interview if needed at that time and if there are openings etc.. I was really surprised.. I had thought if I quit, I wouldn't be rehired at all.
> I don't know why it's so hard. I know there are lots of reasons....women in general tend to be hard on themselves, esp. if they find barriers in the workplace; minorities in America undergo real struggles sometimes to fit in and that can hurt self-worth. For you, it sounds like your childhood and experiences with your father were detrimental to your sense of self and self-worth, and might still be affecting you today.
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> This sounds corny, but I think it's important to love ourselves and to tell ourselves daily that we're "good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people LIKe us!" (Thanks, Stuart Smalley!) Seriously, I've read that saying positive things to ourselves and visualizing success helps put us in a better frame of mind. I think it's also important not to keep comparing to other people.
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> You ARE a great person. Make a list of all your good qualities, and things you like about yourself. I think it will be a long list! :)
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> JenStar
poster:pinkeye
thread:528066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/528347.html