Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2005, at 17:25:54
In reply to Re: I'm sick » Dinah, posted by Tamar on July 14, 2005, at 16:49:51
Sometimes, no - often, your insight astounds me. We do talk about it from time to time. I brought your post in today and cried through the session.
I don't know though. He tells me that I shouldn't blame myself. That it wasn't my knocking her off the bed that killed her. That she had fallen off the bed so many times. It was the way she fell that killed her.
I laughed as she fell, swooping down to scoop her up and hug her and tell her how much I loved her. It wasn't till my hands had almost reached her that I registered that something was wrong.
He says that yes, it is a very bad memory to juxtapose laughing with finding her dead. He told me of a similar scene in a movie. But he reminded me that I wasn't laughing because I knew she was dead, but because I thought she was just fine as she had been so many times before.
I don't know.
I know that I didn't intend to harm her. I would never have harmed a hair on her tiny head. I know that while I was responsible, there was no intent to harm.
Most of the time when I think of her, I remember the good things. How fiercely we loved each other.
poster:Dinah
thread:526600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/528208.html