Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 12:57:01
One thing that I got today is that when you are abused as a kid you tend to repeat the same pattern again and again in your adulthood..
You tend to look for the same pattern of relationships, somehow unconsciously repeating the abuse.
I previously thought that people repeat the pattern because that is what is familiar to them.. But now I realized that people repeat it in a hope of solving the trauma associated with it and the unresolved conflicts and make peace with it. They don't seek to repeat the abuse - but to actually solve it.
All along I thought I was attracted to men like my dad because I wanted my dad. That somehow if I had him, it would complete the circle, and it would put my mind to rest.
But today I realized what I was looking for was to actually make sense of the abuse.. That is why I keep looking for the same kind of relationship with men.
I realized I didn't really want a romantic relationship with my ex T. Previously I thought that would be very fulfilling.. But now I realize it won't fulfill me.. All I wanted was to solve the problem and dilemma I had with my father. That is why I had made him my surrogate father..
poster:pinkeye
thread:521556
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521556.html