Posted by Daisym on June 23, 2005, at 15:09:38
In reply to Re: therapy/therapist--midlife crisis or depression? » B2chica, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 13:01:04
Ah - it sounds like you've come up against the "my work" or "my therapy" divide. It is so true that when you are working on all this stuff you just can't be at your best at work. It is unreasonable to think that you should be able to be. But I admit to thinking this exact thing.
We've talked about this a bunch - is this desire to run away from work because it is too stressful, because I don't really like it anymore or because I feel bad about myself for not doing my best. I don't have the answers. It is my therapist's opinion that many, many times grief is mistakenly labeled depression -- things bubble up to the surface and force their way into your consciousness and make you feel bad. Running away from these intense feelings results in the typical shedding of everything - new wife, new car, new hair, new job... Staying with these feelings means acknowledging the grief of the life you envisioned and the one you have. Grieving is a profoundly fragmenting experience and very painful. It takes a long time. Which is not to say that one doesn't become depressed as part of the journey, but perhaps it is one of the symptoms and not the disease itself. Does that make sense?
I think everything you are feeling is justified. You've been through so much the past few months. Of course you want to give up. But I'll say to you what gets said to me, "it can't get better if you aren't here. You can't be what you were meant to be if you check out now. No job is worth your life." Walk away if you have to.
And I completely understand this is easier said than done. Take good care of yourself.
poster:Daisym
thread:517508
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/517558.html