Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 13:28:07
In reply to Afraid of being happy? (longish), posted by spalding on June 23, 2005, at 10:51:18
Hi spalding,
I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. But I'm glad your pdoc and your T are helpful and supportive. And it's great that you're finding the resources to write.
I can imagine that unknown feelings might be terrifying. If you haven't experienced much happiness I can imagine it could seem scary.
I suspect after everything you've been through, your T and your pdoc won't be in a hurry to kick you out. If you do start feeling happy they might want to keep tabs on you for a while, to ensure it doesn't become mania or revert to depression. Seeing a therapist less often should ideally be your decision, not the therapist's, though they might want to discuss with you how much support you need as you get better.
> I'm afraid that I'll just become a bland and boring person who will just skirt the surface of things and not have a rich internal life. I'm just afraid of so many things that might come with "happy". I've never been there. How do I know I'll like it?Are you afraid that your ability to write will be impaired if you become happy? If so, I suspect your worry is unfounded. I know there's a romantic imagine of the great writer (artist, composer, whatever) as a tortured soul whose demons drive his/her art, but I suspect that image is deeply flawed. Maybe some people can produce great work *in spite of* their pain, but probably not *because* of it.
As for being bland... I don't know that being happy would make you bland. And I definitely think it's possible to have a rich internal life as a happy person. I know the satisfaction I feel with my achievements when I'm happy is infinitely preferable to the terrible soul-searching I do when I'm unhappy.
I hope you find a way to enjoy happiness!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:517500
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/517535.html