Posted by pinkeye on June 21, 2005, at 14:53:16
Increasingly I am realizing more and more nowadays that my feelings about my ex T are not at all real. It is really all about my own projection.. It has nothing to do with him..
I have this desire to connect with someone like my dad and I just keep projecting it to my ex T.. I made a pseudo picture on top of my ex T and I keep liking that.. And more and more I am realizing that it is perhaps not what he is..
I somehow keep having a vision of someone who loves me a lot, but who is resisting that, who understands me very well, and wants to do good for me and guide me.. who wants to have a relationship with me, but who is confused himself, and tortured..and I keep imagining that this person breaks the resistance one day and admits his love for me.. This is the pciture that I drew on to my ex T.. And I am realizing that it is really about my dad that I am projecting..
All along I think I suspected my dad was deeply attracted to me - and I think he really substituted me for his wife figure for a long time.. He wanted to share everything with me, and wanted me to be his companion.. I think I also went along with that, and somehow figured that he would be my companion. I think that is the secret wish that my curent T keeps telling me that I have.. somehow I have a longing for a relationship with my dad. And I keep projecting that to men who fit into picture a little bit. And I think I just made my ex T into that role.. That is why I always think of him somehow breaking a resistance and somehow struggling himself.. I didn't realize it was not him.. But now I am realizing it..
poster:pinkeye
thread:516658
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/516658.html