Posted by Dinah on June 10, 2005, at 18:13:21
In the middle of session today, I was talking about part of me wanting to go back to school and how I thought that would be intellectually stimulating and would therefore actually increase my ability to work even though it took time. And that I deserved to do something that would make me happy.
While another part of me really didn't want to go back to school because I was already too overwhelmed with obligations.
I was trying to tell him something and I started getting dizzy and my head started pounding. So I did some relaxation exercises. Inhale 2,3,4; Hold 2,3,4; Exhale 2,3,4. Then I worked on relaxing all my muscles. And while I did that, my thoughts flattened. I described it as "my brain smoothed out". I forgot what I had been saying, what I was about to say, and why I was so upset.
This happens occasionally, and usually I don't really mention it. I just move on.
But this time I did mention it to him. I did my best to describe what it felt like was going on. And the exact sequence of events. I asked him what I was telling him right before it happened. He told me (but now I've forgotten again - something about not being happy or something), plus he said that when my head started hurting I said that I thought maybe I wasn't supposed to be talking about this. I think I remember that.
I told him how weird and a bit scary it felt when it happened. Not only forgetting, but the complete change in emotions from really really being upset to not being upset at all.
I was asking him all sorts of questions about what had happened from his perspective, and what it was that could be happening, and why it happened when I didn't really intend to do anything but relax, and if I didn't try to relax would it stop it from happening, and on and on. His basic answer was that he didn't know. That was his answer to everything. He said that only I could know, and that he didn't think it could be completely unintentional on my part, but that he could be wrong. And that was it.
I told him he was supposed to know more than I did. And he said he did know more than I did, but not about that. Because that was uniquely my experience. I asked him if he was able to help me if he didn't know anything. And he said that he would help me help myself or something like that. But I was trying to help myself.
It was terribly frustrating because I told him everything I knew, and he wouldn't give any input at all. Nothing.
Is that the way therapists typically respond?
When I have a panic attack, he tells me what it is, and what to do. When I'm experiencing OCD, he tells me what it is and what to do. Can he help me if he knows so little?
poster:Dinah
thread:510706
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050606/msgs/510706.html