Posted by littleone on May 31, 2005, at 16:12:32
In reply to Cutting, posted by PM80 on May 31, 2005, at 14:52:00
When I started with my T, he knew I cut. But I can't remember if I told him or if he saw the cuts. I think I must have told him because it was on my list of reasons for being there.
I find it very addictive so my T made that the first thing he addressed. I was to basically just stop altogether and just cope with the bad feelings without cutting.
Of course, that didn't happen all at once. I'm not sure if he's actually specified it or if it is assumed, but I need to tell him whenever I have cut. I didn't always do that, but sometimes he could pick up on it anyway. Sometimes he can tell if I'm hiding that part of my hand.
I managed to pull back from cutting a bit, but it was still happening quite a bit. So then he started making me show him the cuts. And not just flash them at him, but keep them on show the whole session. I hated that so much. Just thinking about it makes me squirm and want to hide. But it was very effective.
I haven't cut since late March I think it was.
Having said that we were talking about dad stuff in therapy yesterday and it was stuff that made me very upset and angry (although it scares me just to admit to the angry part) and I had very bad urges to cut cut cut. I managed not to, but they haven't gone away. Little things are upsetting me and bringing on the urge. I know I need to address the dad stuff rather than cope in an unhealthy way, but still....
I guess I'll mention the urges to my T at my next session.
Oh, and the other thing I meant to mention was that he made me hand over my knife. He keeps it in his desk drawer. This part brings up a lot of stuff in me. I still find it very disturbing to think about.
poster:littleone
thread:505828
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/505868.html