Posted by LadyBug on May 21, 2005, at 0:01:24
I think this may be one of my first starts of a thread. I need to tell someone what's on my mind and heart. I know you can all relate in some way or another.
A bit of a background first. I've been with my T. for over 8 years. It's been a good journey for the most part. The work is hard most the time but we seem to be doing better as time goes by.
Today I saw her. I had left her a voice mail yesterday telling her I really needed our appointment today to be a good one because I'm going through a job change so my schedule is changing. I might not get to see her until the middle of June because I won't have time. That's a very long time to me. I've done it a few times before and it's been hard!!! I seem to lose so much of our good connection. In a way that's good, it let's me see how I can funtion without her or our work.
I go into her office, sit down and we start talking about our week. She's telling me about her new grandson that was born on Wed. I'm telling her about my new job and my old one. I know some of that happens every week, but we really do try to focus on our work. She wasn't there for me today! Not at all!!!!! She was having a hard time focusing on me. I felt like she wanted to just take a nap. Which took away my energy. I chalked it up to her being really busy, having a new baby in the family etc. My life is busy too. After I left, I called and left her a voice mail and told her that I felt bad. She wasn't there for me today. I said, if I end up going for 3 weeks until I see you again, this feels really bad to me.
She called me back, left a voice mail and told me I was right. She was struggling today and said she'd have to think about what happened. In the mean time, I've been getting mad about this. If I was going in next week, I'd probably let it go until then and we could talk about it then. But the time is more than likely going to be a few weeks, especially if I stay angry at her. I'll make dang sure I stay too busy to go see her.
I want to withdraw and let her know I'm pissed about today. I wrote in my journal, because that always helps. Now I am debating if I should call and leave her another voice mail telling her how I'm feeling now. More angry than when I first left her office.
She probably won't even check her messages over the weekend. That is my luck. She's busy helping her daughter settle in with her first baby.....
My appointments are precious to me. My insurance pays for only 20 visits a year and then they only pay half. I don't have a lot of extra cash floating around so I take it serious. I wouldn't drive down the road and throw 70 bucks out the window. But that's how I feel about today. Like I tossed the money out the window and it hurt to lose it because it means so much to me.I know this is long. If your still with me, thanks for reading and letting me vent some. I think I may call her tonight and leave her a message. Unfortunatly she doesn't allow e-mail. Her boundaires I guess. I'd never call her home unless it was an emergency. This isn't the time. But I want her to know I'm disappointed with her!!!!! That's why I'm here writing this out to you babblers.
Any thoughts about this would be appreciated. Have any of you had those appointments where your T. just wasn't with it???? And you really needed them to be?????? ESPECIALLY since I won't see her for so long.........
I hate this work sometimes. Some times I wonder if I regret ever getting sucked in to therapy. But back when I started I was a nut case to say the least!!!!Hugs to you all,
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:500634
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500634.html