Posted by gardenergirl on May 8, 2005, at 12:50:45
In reply to Re: Emotional Abuse - Possible trigger » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on May 7, 2005, at 21:15:41
> Sad to say, maybe that was a big step forward for him compared to his own upbringing.
I think you are right. And thanks for adding the trigger warning. I wasn't thinking.
>
> I wasn't as good as you, gg.I was only "good" because I was too scared not to be. The most important thing to us in regards to my father, and in part my mother, was that we were "good kids". Being well-behaved was everything. It makes for being quite tentative and formal a lot of the time, now. And following rules...unless it comes to parking, I'm definitely a rules-follower. (I get really aggravated when there is nowhere to park, and I'll often park in restricted spaces if necessary.)
> I wish they had more terms for abuse. It seems that there should be ten or twenty at least. That way I wouldn't feel so bad about claiming it. Getting hit wasn't all that unusual in the sixties.
That would make it easier, I suppose. Because it's personal, and it's a continuum. And what is devastating for one might be no big deal for another.
> I really ought to go easier on my mother I guess. Two of her sisters and two of her nieces and nephews have had trouble off and on with psychosis. Some more on than off. I don't know what went on in that family, but I should have some compassion for my mother as someone who is probably not quite well. But it's really really hard.
It is really really hard to hold both compassion and hurt at the same time. I think it's a sign of healing and health if you can find compassion. It's just very very difficult to hold both concepts at the same time, because they seem to cancel each other out if you view it in very simple terms. I struggle with this, too. It's hard to think of both my parents as being quite narcissistic and emotionally neglecting, and to also feel love and connection at the same time.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:494198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/495206.html