Posted by Shortelise on May 6, 2005, at 12:08:46
In reply to Pinkeye?, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2005, at 19:04:02
Dinah, I could be way off base here so please take this with a grain of salt. I say that because what you have written is so close to the bone that I would hate for you to take anything I write too seriously.
But I have lots of thoughts about it.
First of all, when we are children, we define love as it is given to us. If it is given to us as the back of a hand, we believe that's love, and continue, if unawakened, to love in the same manner, or to seek that sort of love.
That you liked being loved the way your parents loved you is like, duh, of course you did. You had no other choice, dear Dinah. It was that or the unknown. What might have happened if you had not participated in this family dynamic?
What was the abuse? How was this abusive? That's the painful part. You may have to figure that out, the "what might have been" stuff. How your life would be, how you would be, if you had had a childhood with parents who could have loved and supported you in the way children need to grow and flourish. You may have to decipher the affect it had on you. To do that, you might have to step out of the world they created, step out of the Dinah wonder child who takes care of everyone, and look around at what's left.
I have this image of the self - born as a thin strand running down the center of us. As we live, experience coats this thread, like wax on a candle dipped. Layer upon layer. Colour upon colour. I love this image. A non-sequitur - sorry.
Anyway, Dinah, is it possible your therapist sees something and is trying to awaken you to it? Is it possible this is the crux of things?
Hugs, Dinah.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:494198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/494537.html