Posted by happyflower on May 5, 2005, at 11:59:29
In reply to how to get it out?, posted by B2chica on May 5, 2005, at 11:27:26
((((B2chica)))) You know I have learned the hard way. I remember advice that says you have to get it out to feel better, and I always said blah, blah, blah. If anyone knew my deepest secrets, they wouldn't accept me or look at me like I was a freak. If people knew I had a crazy abusive mother, then they would think there was something wrong with me. I held this secret for over 25 years. My brother was abused, not me. If I wasn't abused then that would make me a good person not bad. I had to pretend it didn't happen in order to get through my childhood and early adulthood or I would have sunk. Well, I learned a month ago, that it came out, and I couldn't avoid it any longer. It was the most painful momemt of my life, to accept yes I was abused as a child. I grieved like a funeral. It was so hard. But the relief I felt after, in a couple of days after admitting it, was amazing. Truely a ton of weight was lifted off of me. It was the abusers fault, not mine. I am not bad, I was good. I had no control over what happened to me. But I can know control the rest of my life and not let the shame still abuse me.
Maybe one way to help, would be to write it down to yourself. Sometimes just doing that makes you feel better. I am not saying it won't be hard to do, I cried and cried to see it in writing. Remember my poem a couple weeks ago called Scared to Feel the Pain? Maybe writing down would be good first step. If you are feeling that it would be too overwhelming, maybe do it the night before, or the day of therapy. Or schedule a extra session. Maybe if you let your T read it, maybe it would easier for you. I wanted to believe also if I don't say it, then maybe it didn't happen. But it did, and it wasn't my fault. What ever happened to you wasn't your fault, no matter what. Keep talking to us, so we can try to help you. When is your next therapy session? It is a good sign that you are thinking about revealing your abuse, you are getting ready to heal, it will be hard, but you will feel so much better. I know you are saying blah, blah, blah, like I once did, but the advice was so right. I am in your corner, fighting for you!
poster:happyflower
thread:494086
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/494101.html