Posted by Excellent camper on April 20, 2005, at 9:06:29
In reply to Re: Breakdown a breakthrough? » Excellent camper, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:49:04
Thanks Poet, LadyBug and Tamar for your posts. They are much appreciated. I made some great strides in my session yesterday. It really helped that I had an hour and a half. My therapist specializes in parts therapy. This link has a little explanation, www.infinityinst.com/articles/parts.html. My therapist doesn't use hypnosis as described there but rather has me breathe deeply and connect with God, the light, or whatever one considers to be the force in the universe. In this way, I get in touch with my higher self and become aware of the parts of me that are begging for attention or that are in pain. I have dialogued, for example, with the 14-year-old who heard his father speak of "selbst mordt" (German for suicide). Yesterday I apologized to some of the people whose lives I complicated ... then I apologized to myself for holding the belief that somehow I had to be perfect or be some kind of intense, heroic writer, rather than a human being with the same needs and feelings as most people. I wanted to say, "I forgive myself," and really feel it, but it didn't come out feeling convincing, so we will work with that next time.
My therapist also draws on cognitive approaches. That hasn't been as transformational for me in the past, but yesterday it was more persuasive. Since then, I've managed to look at least one thing in a different way. I've felt cracked, like an egg. But an egg has to be cracked for a new life to be born.
I guess the hard part for some of us is that we felt like helpless chicks when the break came, starving, alone, unable to fly. Hopefully we can all get the incubation period we need, through therapy, the love of family and friends, an uplift from medication, diet, or herbs, to heal and grow.
I know I am on my way. When I think the way I was doing, it is a choice. I am choosing to think of what I lost from the past because it is somehow preferable than thinking about how I might retrieve them in the future. But this style of obsessive thinking definitely produces dark thoughts. I also think my semi-joblessness leads me to make odious comparisons with that person from the past. I've decided that rather than keep running into the same walls trying to get back into journalism, and having to dig through my portfolio each time, which resurrects the past and its perceived former glory, I am just going to get a job that gets me out working with people. I'm thinking Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. Both are pretty upbeat places, and I'm fortunate that right now it's just my wife and I, and she has a good job and is supporting me in this process. She's bipolar and was hospitalized for the second time this winter, so we're on the same page when it comes to healing.
Thanks for listening and thanks for sharing.
poster:Excellent camper
thread:486415
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/486915.html