Posted by Dinah on April 16, 2005, at 17:18:20
In reply to Re: Bad thing is... » Dinah, posted by crushedout on April 16, 2005, at 16:59:56
Well, we spent a lot of the session discussing the board because I didn't want it to get deep. I failed (see below). But the specific thing was when I commented on how it was upsetting to clients that they cared more about their therapists than they cared about us, and how while it was upsetting to many people, I understood that it made therapy possible. Because a relationship couldn't focus entirely on us, as therapy does, if the therapist was too personally invested. Because what we said and did would then have an impact on them, and they couldn't be objective and nonjudgmeental. No more than they can be therapists to people they care about, can they care about their clients.
He first objected, saying that therapists do care about their clients, that those clients he doesn't care about soon pick up on it and quit going to see him. That he can only do good therapy with clients he cares about. But as we pursued the matter, he eventually made his way to saying that we're not like their spouses, mothers, fathers, children or friends in that we don't have a personal relationship with them, and when I pointed out that that was exactly what I was saying... Well, I think he said that there shouldn't be any thought on our parts about who cares more. That thinking that way wasn't useful. At which I said "SNORT. Yes, snort. Feelings are often not useful." He went into some CBT stuff, I answered with DiMasio (sp?).
Anyway, he couldn't believe we worried about things like that. And I said that apparently therapists have no idea what really goes on in therapy - only what they think goes on. And that he would learn more by reading this board than he would by going to the week long conference he was attending. And he thoughtfully agreed, which is what made me nervous. But he really is an internet snob. And I'd find it hard to believe he'd forget his promise. And if he ignores it, well, then he deserves to read everything I've ever written about him. Nose picking and all.
poster:Dinah
thread:481668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/485192.html