Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2005, at 21:00:33
In reply to I've decided to chicken out, posted by Dinah on March 28, 2005, at 19:36:16
It was just too stressful to be obsessing about something like this, so I put the card together last night (using f and the one with the baby in front of the mother), left the "love" out, and tied it together with yellow ribbon.
I bought a cupcake today, but they put it in a bag and it got squished. So I stopped and got another and made them put it in a box.
I brought it all in, including the gift, and told him that I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore - could we move it up a week. He was a bit amused and wanted to know why I was anxious. Since I've never in ten years gave him a gift, he told me his gift policy. He didn't accept expensive gifts or very frequent gifts, but that otherwise he thought it wasn't very nice to refuse a gift.
I gave him an out anyway. I'm not sure he liked it at first, but I think he was starting to like it by the end of session. I told him all the symbolism in it, and he came up with another bit.
He liked the card as well. I think he actually did.
And we talked about the last five years in therapy, and the five years before that, and what the next five years might bring.
He made me go first, and I was a bit stumped. I don't really think in those terms. Sometimes I feel better when I leave therapy, sometimes I feel worse, and I like the times I feel better. I'm worried about change because it implies I'm not ok as I am now. And I'm worried that I'm expected to outgrow him.
All session he used the symbolism and the words in the card and in the sculpture. Which was lovely. :)
He quoted Scott Peck as saying that people get married for two reasons. One, to procreate, and the other because the friction causes growth and change. He said that therapy is sort of the same, except for the procreation. That he thinks that by fighting to relationship, I've grown and changed. And that by continuing to fight to relationship, I'll continue to grow and change. I kind of liked that view of where we've been and where we're going. :)
I asked if there was enough friction left, because we've grown comfortable. He agreed we've grown comfortable, and says we just need to remember it's our job to introduce friction now and again.
It was altogether lovely. Even in retrospect, I'm not sure I'm glad I gave him the sculpture. But the session was warm and lovely and all one could wish for. He seemed happy and connected.
He says he thinks I benefit from having a therapist/mommy. And I think he's happy enough being mine.
I told him I might get him anther present on our twentyfifth anniversary. :)
poster:Dinah
thread:476024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050329/msgs/477438.html