Posted by annierose on March 15, 2005, at 18:53:03
Today I immediately started my session thinking about all the threads that come up on this sight. I told her that I think I'm missing something. People that have "mom" issues on this sight, tend to talk about having the perfect mommy therapist, talk about the longing and aching for that mom they never had. I did NOT have a "good enough" mom, but I don't experience those longing feelings either.
I asked her straight out, does she think I need to grieve those hurtful childhood feelings in order to move forward (i.e experience that pain again, the pain I can't even remember feeling). I was so surprised when she said "yes". She then went on to say that although it will be painful the rewards will be great. That I will realize I don't need to be afraid anymore. I don't even know what to say, since my relationship with my mom was never there to begin with, so it's not like I knew what a good mom ever was. She even asked me when I see movies or read books, do I comment to myself, "I wonder what my life would be like if I had a mother like that?" No, I don't do that. I'm a happy person (for the most part) and live in the present. I'm not one of these people that wish to re-live their high school or college days. Then she added, "I think all that pain is just below the surface." Of course, a flood of tears tried to reach the surface, but I stuffed them back down again. What the heck is going on? I think she is right on some level. I understaind rationally what she is saying, emotionally it's hard to put into words feelings I'm not quite sure what they are saying.
I told her I was afraid of leaving after 45 minutes still upset. She said she would tell me when it was 10 minutes to go. She did that today for me, but I didn't like it. Then I felt I was just killing time for 10 minutes.
Boy, I'm confused. I told her I don't think I have the courage for this. She said I did. Afterall, it was me that started this conversation and I was chipping away at it today. Does this make sense?
poster:annierose
thread:471459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/471459.html