Posted by pinkeye on March 11, 2005, at 19:09:50
In reply to Re: Resurfacing of old hurts » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on March 11, 2005, at 18:38:52
Yeah, as much as I hate to admit, I am realizing now that I have to acknowledge the mistakes made by my father. But maybe I don't have to make a monster out of him - maybe just realize it was a mistake and let it go at that. I am not capable of holding a grudge against my father - never.
But he did do such horrible mistakes in several areas.. especially in personality growth. He taught me everything wrong - taught me it was good to be lonely, taught it was not good to be feminine, taught me it was good not to dress well, taught me it was good not to hang around with others of my age, taught me I should not learn anything feminine - like cooking, cleaning etc. He taught me to be very selfish, never to extend myself to others and several things. And he never let me develop a relationship with my mother - he wanted me to be all exclusive to him. And it ended up confusing me so immensely - whether I was his daughter or his companion or his mirror. I ended up having his goals for my goals in my life, and went beyond every bit of strength I had to satisfy his goals for him..
And I think it is time I realize it and vent it out and somehow heal myself all over.
And I think it is helping, but just that it is so difficult to realize that the father you thought was so perfect, is finally not that perfect. If he was little more careful, and listened to my mother, I would have ended up being a much more happier person and didn't have to struggle so much for so long. I was such a good kid though - and I was so scared of his shouting and anger.
He was very loving in many ways and did the right things in many areas, but in several areas he failed miserably..and it ended up hurting me the most.
poster:pinkeye
thread:469720
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/469830.html