Posted by daisym on March 8, 2005, at 20:12:03
In reply to Re: Don't know what to do, posted by Skittles on March 8, 2005, at 19:13:39
I think you should go too but I totally understand what you are saying. I will sometimes lose that connection and it feels so empty...just like you've described. I hate that, it is worse than missing him and worse than the anxiety. I think I didn't know I was empty before or I kept myself too busy to notice.
But...I'm traveling this week. And I was supposed to talk to my therapist on Monday afternoon. My message was, "I don't want to talk to you because I have myself in a place where I can not miss you and if I talk to you, it will open up again and I will hurt again." He left a message saying he totally understood and he would see me when I got back. Of course, as soon as I heard his voice, the little voices were screaming again. Wow, this is so hard.
But I have found that the sessions that I don't want to go to, that I think will be useless, have often been important for the reconnection part. Especially when I tell him about it. Usually I say, "I can't find you. I can't feel you." And he works with me to make the connection happen. Last time he asked me, "what needs to happen in order for you to find me? What's in the way?" And I had been holding something back that was in the way. So him asking, and me telling, was hard but productive.
Go and try to admit what is going on for you. You have every reason to be afraid she is going to disappear on you, given your current situation. You need to talk it through. Maybe she could call you from wherever she is going to maintain contact.
Hang in there. It will get better.
poster:daisym
thread:467306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/468453.html